i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
