I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize