the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Found the puke drawer
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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