WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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