At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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