my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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