Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
