it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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