And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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