why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
