That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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