It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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