the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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