fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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