dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
