I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
