Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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