im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
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Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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