The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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