absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
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Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
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I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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