if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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