I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
