oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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