He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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