dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
