dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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