I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
