Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dicks are not precious.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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