what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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