So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
