She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Acid is not a monday night drug
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
