you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
