U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
ugly people sure do ruin things
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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