So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
