i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize