Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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