Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
