yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
