I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
