Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
