This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
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dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
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At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize