im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I AM VODKA MAN
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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