Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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