I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
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At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
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I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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