got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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