i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
