if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Your penis caused this!
Randomize