So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fill condoms, not promises.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
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