if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
