Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
