i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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