hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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