sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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