I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Bring me that man meat
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
