I wish I could punch you in the face.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
