the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
