I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
