I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
