So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
