so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
