I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
