what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
