is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
