I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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