Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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